its so amazing how this song, or any song off that mix cd can just transport me away....
cibo matto-king of silence.
this summer....new york...
east coast...
just...relaxing, even though i was rushing everywhere...
running around in the subways...
riding on planes for hours...
gorgeous..
i loved every second of it, although my father is a somewhat frustrating person...
and my wait to get home was even nice, cause i knew id get to see my friends again...all happy...
sitting in my brothers house, feeling like family...
his house was warm, in a family like way.
i was so broken, but they didnt know...
and id sit and sew...
then talk...
and wed go out to eat...
then run to the airport
and drive around alllllll daaaay
and id read...
i think that was the most relaxed ive been all my life..
and i didnt say much the whole trip
i cant wait to leave again, this summer...
counting down.

now the strokes are playing....and these songs just remind me of j(xy) i dunno why, but like....we didnt do anything to this song...at all...
just the thrashy guitar and beat...and distorted voice reminds me of closing my eyes, next to a pic of him, in my bed...wishing i could open my eyes and his REAL body would be there....
i dont think thatll ever happen.
i cant really imagine myself "with" anyone...
but i want to...
im afraid though..of getting screwed over...
but if i did have someone, id treat every day as if it were the last day id see them, and get kinda sad towards the end of the day...
i already do that, cause i know ill never live in that day again. its the death of a day.
my day died two hours ago.
im going to bed.
goodnite world.
a new day is born.

everything is just so lame.
i cant stand anything.
i just write in here when im just so fucking pissed and need to occupy my hands and brain with something else....

it seems it grows more and more still every day.
my social life fucking sucks, partially cause of my family.
i dont want my friends to stay the nite here....i dont want them to see my family for that long. i dont want my family to yell at them.
if i had my license by now, i wouldnt feel so self-neglecting.
i havent had a good time in too long of a time. my brains always occupied by something bad.
stupid people....

ive been contemplating on going to college, for reals, just cause you cant go anywhere in life without those oh-so-important sheets of paper they give you. i think i might go to an out of state, just to get away. new york is very tempting. so is california....
dammit!
i need to get the fuck outta here, just cause...
i need a vacation.
and i need to close ties with a lot of people.
i just wish i could and i hate having to wait so long.

im glad me and e(XX) are on okay terms again...
i hate it when that shit happens.

i hate it when people are stupid.
oh crap, i hate everything.
look at me be a pussy teenager.