with all the incidences and epiphanies, i know im now a different person, but still same at the core. at the double-helix strands. im still me.

a while ago i met a fellow, we decided we wanted to be friends. we agreed not to get attached. just in a purely fleshy way.
that was all.
now...now hes not doing so well. he cant afford to live in arizona anymore. and hes seeing the error of his ways. chasing a girl out here. then they rip apart two years later.
i met him three years ago. i didnt have any idea that fate would re-schedule us for an appointment together. but ive really enjoyed it. although i claimed i wouldnt get attach.
.....i have.
and so has he...
neither of us want it. cause hes probably moving back home. and we dont want to leave eachother behind. we dont want to miss eachother. but i know that if he goes ill miss him terribley.
in the whole three-month re meeting, weve finally opened up. and hes taught me a lot about myself. and taught me to do things for ME. and get rid of negative things in my life, especially people.
now that the telescope has stopped spinning due to the opressive negativity, i can once again focus and look ahead to my future.
i can be a bit clingy when i like someone. cause i never want to leave them. i want to have a promise that theyll be forever-and-ever-amen with me.
i know that im young, but i just want a bit of stability. and i think i can control it.
i should just remind myself...that hes said "i want to know you for your whole life. you are going to grow up to be INCREDIBLE" just thinking that makes me smile. and its not like well be separated for forever...
we plan on meeting. when im 18. i cant say where. cause if someone found this, they could track me down in the future. but ill be an adult..so its legal. well meet.
and he said he wants to live his daydream. he wants to be sonny, and ill be his cher. thats what he said. then, ill kidnap him and well jetset across the world, jumping from one lush hotel to the next...
and then i can smile sincerely.
knowing that i am a living human being.
with a beating heart.
and ears that hear honesty.
all this may be extremely whiney, and naive to a certain degree, but its all therapudic to me. escaping to a dreamworld. a place where i can control anything and everything down to the most scrutinizing detail. once i perfect every single detail, ill pull it out of my head and act upon it.
im not going to end up a faceless cubicle-inhabiting creature.
im going to see the world.
i dont care what it takes, but ill get it when i get it.
gosh, everything just seems so desperate all of a sudden.
ill know for sure within a week what will happen..my future that is, with him.