well...ho hum....hel-LO saturday nite....
personally, i think this is the height of my teenage-dom, or whatever the fuck you wanna call it.teenagehood..i dunno. its saturday nite, i SHOULD be all decked out in some cute lil outfit of mine, glossy lips, trompin along with my girlfriends, giggling, and thinking about how my face hurts from smiling so much. well, since im writing this, im OBVIOUSLY not doing that. im sitting at home. in an old band shirt. no make up. all alone. well, i DO have the company of The Yelling Man. he sells collectables on ch. 13. he yells about the deals. and how crazy they are. he just said "not dot com! its dot TV!" he is my friend.

well, im not completely alone. bling blingin of the instant messages. my friend claims hes drunk. and he had a foursome. but he lies about stupid stuff..its kinda entertaining. especially the one about him getting sucked off when he was nine. did his balls even drop yet? ha!

im getting kinda fed up with people my age. theyre just...(i hate to be so harsh)STUPID!!! GODDAMN, THEY ARE SO STUPID. seriously, since when does saying "moo" or "cheese" or "monkey" make you funny? my generation has no clue what funny means. its just a string of bad one liners that ive heard over and over and over and over...i mean, shit, gimme a gun, and ill feel no sorrow! ill just shoot em all, clonecloneclonecloneclone...
maybe im acting elitest. maybe im being cocky. maybe im being antisocial. whatever im being, i might as well apologize, cause i know im offending someone.
i dont know where the hate for my generation spawned from. it wasnt from school. well, it kinda was. i dont go to typical high school. i go to school with artists. but some of the kids there are just there escaping from social shit. or they wanna say "im an artist" but theyre just stupid. i think it more or so stemmed from scenester kids, and how fiercely competitive and catty they can be.
i mean, who knew someone with such pretty feathered black hair and a nice diesel denim jacket and black chucks could be so...mean? ha. maybe its cause diesel costs at least $125, and their friends' mommy bought them THREE pairs of jeans, but their mommy only bought them two...ouch. thats a slap in the face!

i like the jesus channel. the younger girls all have hightlighs. did the virgin mary have highlights? no. she had an unplanned pregnancy.

hip hop makes me wanna have tits and an ass. im a 34b and i kind of have an ass. see. music DOES affect people. or maybe i just wanna have some tits to show off, eh? i want a body like a pin up girl, and id walk around in really sexy strappy heels, and all guys would want me. yeah...itd be fab. i mean, i dont have a problem getting guys as it is...i could get any guy i want, basically. i could find something about myself to flaunt around him, and hed get a slight interest that i could fling upon him and hed end up drowning in obsession with me. ive only done that with id say, two or three guys. it takes a lot of work, but i can do it. any woman can. i can be pretty fuckin charming. if i smoked, id take a drag off of a cigarette right there...itd be a perfect moviemomentmadeonfilmsecond, ya know? yeah, ya dont. faaaaaaaabulous.
typign just whatever comes to mind is just great. i dont feel like sitting down and writing an essay for this supposed zine im going to do, but i have a feeling ill do it, and ill end up offending a lot of people. i wanna know they think, but ill create another email addy, just so they cant track me. i wanna be annonymous, then eventually come out. i want to do something. i havent ever really been forced to do anything, or get into anything. im a really scared little girl deep down inside, and everytime it comes to doing something new on my own, i just shiver, and have no one to push me..i kinda think its this city. no one talks to eachother here. but if it were my choice, id go up and talk to people on the bus, ask em to hang out and get a bite to eat with me, and theyd say okay. things jsut dont work like that here. its more of a clock instead of a jar of orange juice to me...
i kinda think i have all these preconceived notions on my head of some utopia in america with really nice cool cultured people exists, but i dunno....i dont think theres a such thing. theres no such thing as a true friend. thats why i have power of word. cause i know theyre all my friends. and theres millions of languages, so i could learn those languages, and make even more friends and be the most popular girl in the world, all the words, eh?

i can feel my cokenail growing out nice and strong. its starting to catch on the keyboard and click the ?key instead the tip of my finger. its a great feeling, believe it or not.

i wonder where he is. i wonder if hes still at the party. i hope hes having a good time, cause im going to miss him. i hope i see his face again after this week...like the slackers song..."i hope to see your face again..." its a lot sweeter coming from vic. i hope shes not mad at me since im not going tomarrow. or the other kids...i feel like a traitor. i miss my life. its all messed up cause of these people i love.
well...thats all im going to write on a saturday nite, a sunday morning. mmmm....