i am convinced everyone hates me. everyone seems mad at me, and the days seem hazy in my eyes. it still feels like sunday, but its tuesday. the 30th. i didnt want the clock to tick this fast without me seeing it do so.

ive been posting on a lot of message boards the last couple days, and it seems no one from any of them likes me. i changed my user name on the ASS board. maybe ill go back. who knows. i just feel incredibly alone again. that means ill be writing in here a lot more just to take up some time and try to get myself to feel better. im just stuck here.....

like i said, hell be leaving soon.
i cried cause of him last nite. before i went to sleep. i looked at the mix tape he gave me, with a little side note about where he messed up...and it said "love, philip" and i just started to weep...someone took a lot of time and thought to make a tape for me. no one, i repeat NO ONE has ever done something so nice for me...i havent even listened to it. itd take a lot of strength. i dunno why....i just dont like getting super emotional. hopefully ill see him later on today.

ive been thinking a lot about people lately. and how i want to talk to them more. and be a bit more open and friendly. me and tony went out last nite. and we talked. and i talked to some strangers. they were nice. i should do that more often. maybe id see them again, and theyd no longer be strangers.

im just sick of being here. the valley is like a non stop legargicismfest. i feel so negative here. whereas, when i was on the east coast, i awoke fresh and knowing there was lots to do that day. with big buildings to see, and goregous scenery to soak up.
arizona is flat and tan.
bleech.

i always talk about how i hate az in here. and i talk about my family a lot too. my writings in here are just depressing. i dont write much thats positive. i save all that for livejournal, just cause more people know that side of me and rather see it than this one.
oh well.
i want to talk to someone who thinks im interesting.
but that wont happen..