yeah...so like, last nite was gherkin. all good. tried to pick up on boys..used my sexy moves. got lots of free stuff! im gonna do all of the members of the PLUS ONES! mmmmmm. well dressed rockers have a free pass to my pants.

m(XX) was there. she laid a snotty comment on me and i wanted to deck that bitch. GRR! if i EVER see her again, and she pulls that shit, fuck her! itll only be an improvement on her fat fuckin emo face!!!!! ILL BITE HER CHEEKS OFF AND SHOVE HER EYEBALLS IN HER BUTTHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ahem..
that was a bit..rash.

well, you see, this M(XX) made my schoolyear a hell, but i never did anything to her. she took my best friend, spread rumors and totally hurt me in every which way she could. i was nice to her throughout the whole time. we were once friends...but it just goes to show, its really hard to find female friends who arent catty like that.

A(XX) is going to TX. as soon as im back in my social swing again...arg! i think me, A(XY) and L(XY) are going 99c-ing and thrifting soon...dunno when. sounds like fun.

heard from him today. we talked a bit. it was only like half hour, but better than nothing. i miss him. its completely unimaginable that hes so far away...all the way across the country...gosh. i wont see him for a long time. itll be sooo nice when i do though..we just talked about whats been goin on, i told him about M(XX) and about my mother and her bf maybe getting married..i cried a bit, and i dont know why. i felt pretty stupid.

i talked a lot on the phone today. to A(XX, the good one) A(XX the bad one) and P(XY) the bad A(XX) might be pregnant, and doesnt know by whom. i wish shed stop calling me. shes just...i dont know...to much "SPLAT!" of drama. and she makes me feel like IM the one to make decisions in her life. *sigh*

im kinda back to normal, i guess...doing my normal things. the last couple of weeks, i didnt wanna go in my room to do anything..not listen to music or chill...it creeped me out...im forcing myself back in there..it just felt..cold. for some reason...
i journaled a lot. my journal is so neat. i love it to bits...

i feel like im never gonna get a job, or a license, or anything. i feel like i cant force myself to evolve a bit more. to strive to succeed...whats wrong with me? i never feel like im good enough. none of my artwork is good enough. a lot of people call me good, but i dont feel like i could blow anyone away at all...im not an impressive person..sometimes, i just hate being me. i see kids my age having jobs, and lots of really neat friends theyve had for years, and i wonder why ive never had that. what the fuck?? theyre all super talented and smart too...ill never be good enough for my own standards...
-jo