so i wake up to my father ringing my phone, asking me to go to his baptism...well...hmm. he told me about it, but never specified a time. he gives me shite cause im not psychic. dammit. so im talking to him, half asleep, and hes like "oh! you dont care! youre asleep! goodbye! goodnite!" and he HANGS UP ON ME.
fuck.
usually, that wouldnt get to me, if it were anyone else, but im so eager to please my father..(dont ask)
so like the lame ass baby i am, i start to cry, cause he always does this to me. im not good enough.
he makes me cry a lot.
like when i took my permit test the first time and failed. by two.
ugh....
anyways, i called him back, sucked up my courage and said "what should i do? get ready?!" and hes like "NO! thatll make me LATE!" and im like, "why lay guilt on me for something i didnt know? if you wouldve specified a time, i wouldve gone." and he goes off into excuses....*sigh!* and then, i went on to say, "well, i know youre going to lay guilt on me if i dont go." and hes like "no! why would i do such a thing!?"
(he does crap like that...uugh. hes a business man, his schedule, his life...control...money...religion..women?! man!!! ahh!)
so....here i am waiting for him...hes going to take me to matsuri, but HE voulenteered. uuh. he said 11. it is approxametly 11:54 am.
christianity takes FOREVER!!!!!!!!
ahhh!
jesus!
i got this lame-ass pit stain on my frikkin blue meanies shirt. thanks a lot dumb luck! its cool though.
my mother told me im "too tiny" just a bit ago. little does she know ive gained 5lbs cause of my laziness as of late. ugh. i wish i could get back to 125, like when i was in junior high. M(XY) told me last nite that he likes me cause im kind of chubby...umm?? what the hell is going on here??
am i fat? am i too tiny?! dammit.
well, in my teenage opionion, i just need to work out more. its so hard though, cause im soooo tired. i only get about 6-7 hrs of sleep a day. ouch. then i go to school for 8 hrs, and i got 2hrs of commuting in there.
valley metro.
haha.
fat smelly man on the bus.
lady who read calligraphy books.
<3<3<3 ummm...i have school tomarrow. its summer up here *points to head* im waiting for yoichis next letter telling me when hes coming to the USA. hes adorable. i cant wait to drive him all fast around the valley and show him how fucking gross/sad it is. i live in the "opportunity zone" hmm...im still yet to find out what this "opportunity" is. i think its code talk for "kid, you live in the ghetto. this is just a sign proving it" i like this antville thing cause i can just babble without seeming like a loser. jimmy! youre the only one who knows about it, and i dont expect you to read it. im a boring fuck. hopefully ill see some nice eyecandy at matsuri today....mmmmmmmm. im so picky. i love boys though. im a perv. i just stare...mmmmm.....well, my finger hurts and im kind of pissed off. i have to do my reading assignment for voltaires "candide" i kinda dig it, but the whole 18th century wit is kinda hard to pick up... haha... high school.

i still dont feel quite up to par...i havent for about a week, since a party with mi amigas. thats why i dont drink all that much....and partially cause i cant get ahold of the good stuff. lame. if i were in europe, id be fine! ahha. you can drink there at 16. the i wouldnt be wretching allover, props to the Capt'n. *shudder* i hate captain morgan. i hate it with a passion. the coconut vodka is okay, but not when you drink half the bottle and can taste it 3 days afterward...uugh. yes, i am the epitomy of sixteen.

i gotta get up early in the morning. im going to matsuri with the paternal unit. great great. i dont mind, but i just hope he isnt racist..thats so embarassing....especially when we were in NY...holy shit, him and the accent and that hat...or when we go to mexican food places...christ! he IS jesus. he likes god so much....i feel strange because im straying from my from-birth "faith" i was born "christian" but then we almost joined this cult (on acciedent of course) when i was about 3...and then we joined another church..and then we stopped, and like, never went again..but my mother told me to keep faith while her and my father were going through a divorce. my sister went to christian school, and it was awful. they treated us like we were the devil....cause my parents were divorced. anyways, i just realized the other day how hypocritcal chrisitianity is....and im still all confused about religion. i guess im at that age. my sister became wiccan at around my age, or a year older. but she did it to an extremety, and it was a big ha-ha-ha joke. like, the craft...trying to float pencils and change your eye colors n shit. haha. black lipstick.
so, in result of all this thinking up in the brain of my milky self, ive kind of decided that im going to look into buddhism. it goes a lot with my personal beliefs. but one thing i kind of object with is not using alcohol. dammit! im sure i can find a loophole. oh no..lookit me now.
i feel so self concious lately. i dont like it. i feel like a girl. i feel kind of fat. oh my god. teenage years. well, i know i can fix it. im just so tired lately. so tired i just eat and eat and eat...not good. i mean, i lost 30lbs, i can tone myself up all good, like when i used to figure skate. ive still got skaters legs. mwuahahha. theyre all big n strong. bling bling..or as tim meddows would say BOOYAH! (byob-bring your own BOOYAH!) thats so gonna be over used tomarrow. i know it. i love how me n emily watch the same things (although i dont watch much tv) but we talk about it and make it eleventy billion times more funny than it actually is. i miss her. im gonna make her and i hang out more often!
and im gonna make her fuck aaron nagel tomarrow. with creammmm cheese.
and im gonna say "what about nate?"
and then ill dance around and make boys dance with me.
tomarrow is a vintage adidas day.

my eyes hurt. im trying to figger this out.
my friend A(XX) has called a few times...well, a million times....i love her to death, but shes freaking out over a boy...yeah yeah..girls. i still cant believe M(XY) came over here the other nite at 1am. him n i talked last nite and he said he wanted to do it again. god, hes so fucking scary.
i worked all day.
and sewed.
ive got a headache.
im looking foreward to tomarrow though.
i wish something semi exciting would happen.
i need the winds of change to blow me.
ha.
take that.