yeah...so like, last nite was gherkin. all good. tried to pick up on boys..used my sexy moves. got lots of free stuff! im gonna do all of the members of the PLUS ONES! mmmmmm. well dressed rockers have a free pass to my pants.

m(XX) was there. she laid a snotty comment on me and i wanted to deck that bitch. GRR! if i EVER see her again, and she pulls that shit, fuck her! itll only be an improvement on her fat fuckin emo face!!!!! ILL BITE HER CHEEKS OFF AND SHOVE HER EYEBALLS IN HER BUTTHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ahem..
that was a bit..rash.

well, you see, this M(XX) made my schoolyear a hell, but i never did anything to her. she took my best friend, spread rumors and totally hurt me in every which way she could. i was nice to her throughout the whole time. we were once friends...but it just goes to show, its really hard to find female friends who arent catty like that.

A(XX) is going to TX. as soon as im back in my social swing again...arg! i think me, A(XY) and L(XY) are going 99c-ing and thrifting soon...dunno when. sounds like fun.

heard from him today. we talked a bit. it was only like half hour, but better than nothing. i miss him. its completely unimaginable that hes so far away...all the way across the country...gosh. i wont see him for a long time. itll be sooo nice when i do though..we just talked about whats been goin on, i told him about M(XX) and about my mother and her bf maybe getting married..i cried a bit, and i dont know why. i felt pretty stupid.

i talked a lot on the phone today. to A(XX, the good one) A(XX the bad one) and P(XY) the bad A(XX) might be pregnant, and doesnt know by whom. i wish shed stop calling me. shes just...i dont know...to much "SPLAT!" of drama. and she makes me feel like IM the one to make decisions in her life. *sigh*

im kinda back to normal, i guess...doing my normal things. the last couple of weeks, i didnt wanna go in my room to do anything..not listen to music or chill...it creeped me out...im forcing myself back in there..it just felt..cold. for some reason...
i journaled a lot. my journal is so neat. i love it to bits...

i feel like im never gonna get a job, or a license, or anything. i feel like i cant force myself to evolve a bit more. to strive to succeed...whats wrong with me? i never feel like im good enough. none of my artwork is good enough. a lot of people call me good, but i dont feel like i could blow anyone away at all...im not an impressive person..sometimes, i just hate being me. i see kids my age having jobs, and lots of really neat friends theyve had for years, and i wonder why ive never had that. what the fuck?? theyre all super talented and smart too...ill never be good enough for my own standards...
-jo

they picked me up at like, 6. FUCK!
better late than never, eh brah?
andy bought an old skool skateboard for like fifty kajillion dollars, and it took like, 2 hrs. i was kinda all question-marky the whole time, (on my face) cause he was basically doing it all for fashion. "being 80s" and he mentioned wearing his checkered vans while riding it...man...i dunno. it just kinda bothered me a bit.
yes-i know im a fashion junkie, but i dunno, spending a ton of money on something thatll probably last a week and that youre not quite sure about is a bit shallow...
but hey...weve all done it before.

im not going to post a picture as mentioned before. i dont look all that great today. im feeling sick.

tomarrow is gherkin. im kinda nervous. ill be meeting a fellow thats moving here from san diego for the first time. he sounds pretty nice. i hope he digs it here. then, theres ray, from school. i hope he comes. he seems really cool and funny, and i really wanna be friends with him, but sometimes (okay, a lot of times) i just get really shy. i wanna convert him sooo bad! i can just see it in him....he seems so sad, and ive got a spot in my heart for sad boys...seriously..i just wanna hug em and help em out soooooooo bad.
call me a girl.
or shoot me in my face.
either/or....
that...and E(XX) is going to be there. i havent seen her in forever, let alone talked to her. its been about two months, id say? i dont know...P(XY) gave me the strength to not talk to her. now that hes gone, this is the test. ill be polite, say hi...but thats about it.

phew! im just kinda jittery about it. and i havent been to a show in ages...and im afraid my dancing ability has gone down a bit...thats like, my FAME right there! (fame? yeah, im cocky..hah)

now it is 214am. he called. just got off the phone.hes home and fine. nice to hear his voice, like always. its soothing. he has the soothing male voice that i love-raspy, deep, and has a nice vocabulary that includes pet names that make me swoon. "baby, hon, doll, darlin"
ouch...
feels so good.

so im like garaunteed to see him about 2x next year. summer school. and his dads bowling thing is going to be in phoenix...well..i guess well see how my life is then, now wont we?
my life is notorious for making twists and turns. but, so is everyone elses.
i wouldnt want it any other way.

-putting in curlers too tight before you sleep is a garaunteed way to have a sore scalp in the morning.
-waiting on a tiny man to go thrifting takes longer than waiting for a high matinence girl to get ready.
-listening to a good tape over and over makes me feel cultured.
-reminded once again that i shouldve saved that $60 and put it towards a better camera.
-my life would be so much easier with a job. and more interesting.
-missing your girlfriends is a bad thing..:(
-missing a guyfriend is a bad thing too.
-mary janes make a funny noise when you walk and arent wearing socks with them. *schllook*
-ill survive. thinking about all these days ill eventually get to living can be a tad overwhelming.
-everything takes forever.

later on today, after i get home, ill post a picture of myself for the world to see. i change so much, it will probably be outdated soon...enjoy while you can.
i hope i find something nice at the thriftstore....
i want something good to happen to me.
-jo

im looking at these pics of hindu temples...im in awe.

see? wow...
i cant wait til im older and rollin in tha $blingbling$ to see stuff like that...just seeing that right now got me to do my trademark glint in my eye, tilt of head (for thinking) and my smile. i could feel my face do that...know why? cause...in the photo program at my school, they try to do out of country photo trips every year...and with me, always getting what i want (im a hard worker, not a brat) i could arrange it...thats indonesia. maybe i could be the coordinator...id wanna go to japan, but...too much $$. id probably opt for thailand or indonesia. singapore? singapore would be cool...and safe. maybe. i gotta talk to desiree. i love desiree...

the older i get, the more i realize how much of a 'sagittarius' i am. seriously. when i was younger, id read my astrological profiles, and be like "religion? philosophy? ugh!! NO!" but lookit me...i love relgious art, and i think the religious history is just utterly captivating..like this

he left today. called me 3x. it was nice. hes already in amarillo!!! from tempe!!! SHIT! he'll probably make it there by tomarrow evening. i hope everything goes well for him there. i always picture his home as this dank, dark little depressing town, where everyone is sad. and they dont want to be there. i dunno why. i have a feeling hes going to miss AZ. i know once i leave, ill miss it too....phoenix is so cool...

martha stewart is on OPRAH!!! right now. (i watch oprah so much! i love it!) martha, on my site...oprah, my secret obsession...mwaaaaahhahah...

ive been getting stupid email from those fucks from hot or not...ahhhhh! kill me.

i cant wait for school to start...nownownow.i want to get my license so i can drive to school, but it all seems far away. i just wanna break through this shell that ive managed to get into.
jobcarinsurancecellphone=impossible...
why??????? LOOKIT ME COMPLAIN!!
but ill be able to do photo again, and hang out with my sooper-dee-dooper friends everyday. i miss alexgirl. and andrew. and alene. and everyone else.
that, and ill be able to talk to desiree about some new things, especially about how she knows him. weeeeeirrdd...and ive seen her cooch..oh no! (i wont say that)

ive been thinking about his roomate, for some reason. hes cute. im afraid to instant message him. i want to though. hes funny. but lonely. maybe ill see him at a show or something, then ill talk to him. meh. i dunno. i think im gonna concentrate more on myself and my future than my love life for a while. my social life too...its more fun. im more fun. no joke.
im fuckin weird.
guys can be fun...but things get akward..
um.
i like Giant Robot Magazine.
-jo

-10 years ago, i...
1. was six years old
2. cut my own bangs
3. was on a dive team
4. watched my parents battle it out every nite
5. loved the phoenix suns
6. never pictured myself like this

-5 years ago, i...
1. was really fat
2. liked beanie babies and figure skating
3. had only one friend....who betrayed me.
4. was really poor. we didnt get to eat much
5. was the first person to find mandy dead
6. extremely depressed

-2 years ago, i...
1. decided to go to NSA
2. decided i wanted to break up with my boyfriend
3. had pink hair...dressed all punk fuckin rok
4. decided i didnt need to put up with other peoples' bullshit
5. met all my current friends
6. got really really into journaling

-1 year ago, i...
1. got really hurt by J(XY)
2. was really overweight, decided i needed to do something about it
3. was extremely depressed again
4. got rid of most of my physical belongings
5. fell in love with design
6. got the internet

-today, i...
1. said goodbye to P(XY)
2. cried a bit
3. hung out with tony
4. got a sailor hat
5. realized that i will do great things in my life
6. didnt want to let go

YOU
001.name: joanna elizabeth wallace
002.d.o.b.: 12.12.1985
003.location: mesa, arizona
004.religion: kind of my own thing. mostly buddhist.
005.occupation: student. wanna be photographer. wanna be jetsetter.

APPEARANCE
001.hair: golden brown. curly. short. "very 50s"
002.eyes: paaaleeee green.
003.height: 5'6", 5'8" with creepers.

STYLE
001.clothing: i wear a lot of vintage stuff. i want to look like a pin up girl! thigh highs! dresses! skirts! button ups! then, sometimes i wanna look like new york breakdance funk. i like old adidas and old workout stuff..denim mini skirts! old tees! i love clothes....
002.music: SKA! SYNTHS! some punk, some indie, some emo, some pop, some rap, everything.
003.make up: lots of eye make up. "pin up girl"
004.bodyart: 8 piercings, two prison tattoos i did myself.

RIGHT NOW
001.wearing: old duplow shirt, cut offs, sweatshirt, red bra, red+white striped panties.
002.listening to: ananda lewis show
003.thinking of: the future. P(XY). the show. wanting more friends. moving out.

LAST THING YOU
001.bought: probably dinner.
002.ate & drank: diet pepsi. cheezits
003.read: book? LOLITA
004.watched on tv: ananda lewis show.

EITHER / OR
001.club or houseparty: house party..totally.
002.tea or coffee: TEAAAA
003. achiever or slacker: high achiever.
004.beer or cider: beer
005.drinks or shots: doesnt matter..drink...
006.cats or dogs: cats, or little dogs
007.single or taken: in between.
008.pen or pencil: pen
009.gloves or mittens: gloves
010.food or candy: um, food?
011.cassette or cd: vinyl. cd. tape. 8track
012.coke or pepsi: DIET PEPSI
013.hard or mild alcohol: hum. depends on the nite.
014.matches or a lighter: lighter
015.sunset beach or the bold and the beautiful: no
016.Rickie lake or oprah winfrey: OPRAH!!!!!!!

WHO DO YOU WANT TO
001.kill: jane board bitches
002.hear from: P(XY) J(XY) A(XX)
003.get really wasted with: J(XY) C(XY)
004.look like: bettie page
005.be like: myself.
006.avoid: jerks. almost everyone here.

LAST PERSON YOU...AND WHEN?
001.touched: p(XY) about an hour ago.
002.talked to: p(xy) hour ago.
003.hugged: p(xy) hour ago
004.instant messaged: um, kenji, nicholas,lawson, about 12hrs ago
005.kissed: p(xy) hour ago
006.who broke your heart: j(xy) about a year ago.

WHERE DO YOU
001.eat: anywhere.
002.dance: my room...
003.cry: where theres no one.
004.wish you were: with him. in chicago

HAVE YOU EVER
001.Dated one of your best friends? naw..kinda.
002.Loved somebody so much it makes you cry? yeah..
003.Drank alcohol? yep
004.Done drugs? yep
005.Broken the law? many times.
006.Ran away from home? naw...
007.Broken a bone? yes
008.Cheated on a test? ...yeah...:(
009.Skinny dipped? ayuh
010.Played Truth Or Dare? duh
011.Flashed someone? hee hee.yes.
012.Mooned Someone? yeah...ha.
013.Kissed someone you didn't know? haha! YES! VIVA PUNK ROK PROM!
014.Been on a talk show/game show? wallace and ladmo count?
015.Been in a fight? fuck yes.
016.Ridden in a fire truck? no..
017.Been on a plane? YES! YAY!!!
018.Come close to dying? a few times.
019.Cheated on your Boy/Girlfriend? never.
020.Gave someone a piggy back/shoulder ride? yeah
021.Eaten a worm/mud pie? ew....
022.Swam in the ocean? yep
23.Had a nightmare/dream that made you wake up? yeah

WHAT IS
001.The most embarrassing CD in your collection? hole-celebrity skin
002.Your bedroom like? lots and lots of kitsch, ska, fliers, weird thrift crap. its small...old dresser. lots of cute boxes n stuff..
004.Your favorite thing for lunch? burrito
005.Your favorite thing for dinner? chinese
006.Your favorite Restaurant? bunga raya

ARE YOU
001.A Vegetarian?: yes.
002.A Good Student?: i can be a 4.0. but im lazy. im going to be good this year though. SCHOLARSHIP!
003.Good At Sports?: yeah. but i dont get to do them much.
004.wakeboarding/snowboarding...ect?: no..
005.A Good Singer?: i dunno. my bands have told me im good. i want to be a singer for a hardcore band.
006.A good Actor/Actress? actually, yes.
007.A deep sleeper?: yes. i am.
008.A Good Dancer?: at shows.
009.Shy?: one on one. yes. if im with people i know and i dont know you. no.
011.A good storyteller?: yes. i am vulgar.
012.Last words?: id never put one of these things on lj. ill look back on this in like, a year, and think about how stupid i was...hehe. i love antville.

fuck dood, last nite i typed out this thing after he dropped me off...didnt come out..ill try to recreate it...

he picked me up at around 3. we drove around all the way out to PHOENIX (which i love) and just talked and talked and talked...thats not normal for us. im usually pretty quiet around him, for some reason, probably cause i usually listen. but he was really happy. and that rubbed off on me, and he said "whats up with you today? youre being all goofy" and i said that im normally like that, but it depends on who im around. i reflect how theyre feeling...we just had a ton of fun...

hung out with dave of the 10 commandments. he was really really nice. i wish i could meet more people like that around here. it was really funny cause i watched them do a drug deal. then i held the papers. then i watched P(XY) roll a joint in the car. under a "PHOENIX POLICE IS NOW HIRING" sign. ha ha ha.

he took me out to dinner at little schezwan (SP?) and it was great. a bit quiet...he kept saying he wanted to buy me stuff...just cause ive been so nice/patient with him...well...thats how i am with everyone. thats how i treat everyone. we both dont meet a lot of nice people..

he later told me a bunch of great things i wanted to hear. im pretty sure he meant all of it, since he always kept saying "i dont want you to get attached, i dont want this to be hard for you" but...
he said:
"i get really excited thinking about meeting you in chicago...picking you up at the train station..even if i dont live in chicago yet, ill take the train there and pick you up"
"you are so beautiful...im going to miss looking into your eyes..like, when i get off, id just have to think of those eyes of yours..you look like christie brinkley right now..."
"you know what? when you get out there, you are spending the nite with me NO MATTER WHAT. im really looking foreward to sleeping in the same bed as you. itll be a total comfort thing for me"
then today, he called me and told me to meet him at the 99c store. i did. didnt spend that long. we sat in the parking lot for a bit..then he drove across university and said i was beautiful...again..sat in my driveway, and just HUGGED. i didnt wanna let go. kissed...kept kissing...about to get out...kiss...hug..he told me to never change. and that things will be so fun in the future. (i shed a few tears) and that ill always be 16 to him.
gosh........
i got out. he handed me the cd case. said hes going to miss me.
i got back in. kissed him again...and started walking to my door....
he honked.
blew me a kiss.
i blew him a kiss...
and he drove off.
he said hell call me from truck stops. and well still talk a lot. im glad. itll be fun keeping in touch with him, sending packages and stuff. i want him to see the me that i was yesterday, cause he really liked it.

just....last nite was just great. lying in bed..just talking. i was kinda..ya know.....and i was just snuggling with him hardcore. he said he was starting to get sad, and hes going to miss the important people here. im one of the few of them. gosh!!!!

maybe there is a future for him and me.
i dont know.
he sure is a great guy. <3 <3 <3